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 Ivory's Poem (Yeah, You Read It Right)

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Ivory
Experienced Wolf
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Number of posts : 149
Age : 24
Localisation : Greed Island
Registration date : 2007-06-04

PostSubject: Ivory's Poem (Yeah, You Read It Right)   Sat Dec 06, 2008 6:04 pm

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Ripples creep along the silken window
Shimmering, glittering
Shades give way to sweet white serenity
Gently swaying as only the wisest willow knows
An arching crest; gliding across the parted silk
Softly, sweetly, gently
Smiling a secret to the whispers of night
Glitters fall like raindrops
Embracing the stage like a knowing lover
The Goddess watches onwards
Praising with a glowing touch
Sway of the swan, step of the feline
Immersed like the mountains with the sea
Ebony waves sweep the quiet land
The flow meets her with a kiss
Retreats with a solemn bow
Attention deeper than life showers the performer
As only the darkness knows how

~Ivory


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I wrote this a few weeks ago, and I'm interested in how you guys choose to interpret this. As such, I'm not going to include any of the base imagery I used when writing this. Please give me some feedback, if you have the time. Smile
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Water_SS
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Number of posts : 85
Age : 28
Registration date : 2007-10-26

PostSubject: Merh...~   Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:29 am

Good Imagery. You'd be a good romantic writer. Just work on your focus a little more. Challenge yourself by choosing a subject and trying to relate all of your stanzas into that thought.

It seems, however, that a few of your lines contain references to the stage and performance. Could it be that you were writing about a play and how the actors/dancers moved?

I can see the female actor, the male performer, and a house of some sort. "Attention deeper than life showers the performer / As only the darkness knows how." Could also be a reference to what the actors see on stage. From personal experience, when looking onto a crowd I don't see anyone because the house lights are pointed directly at your face.

If you truly did select a focus, wonderful job Ivy. With a little more work it could go into a book! ^_^ *pat pat*
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